Our good friend and staff writer Terry wrote an article last week about some festive Halloween drinks that can really spice up a party. Despite his very good suggestions, our editor (the same guy responsible for this) insisted that the options weren’t “manly enough.” Those were his exact words. And, to that end, he brought in his own drink expert. So it is my… pleasure seems like the wrong word… to introduce to you: Magnus “The Swedish Hammer” Larsson.

Pumpkin Beer

“Pumpkin Beer comes around once a year, and much like its more car-friendly cousin, the Pumpkin Spice Latte, it arrives to much derision. But luckily, because it is not a latte, you can drink it and still look manly. It’s got all the flavor of raw pumpkin, bro, but none of the calories of cinnamon and nutmeg. It’s the best way to enjoy the flavor of the season without having to buy yoga pants to enjoy it in.”

Jagermaster

“Everyone knows that the most manly drink on the planet is Jagermeister, bro. That’s why my buddy Chip at the gym came up with this wicked drink for the Halloween season. All you need to make this is a 12 oz cup and some of the things that every bro has around his house. I’m talking simple stuff man. Take that cup. Fill it up with Jager. Put it down. It shows everyone what a trooper you are (Jager is a German soldier, you know) and the smooth taste of licorice is a real aphrodisiac for the girls. He calls it the Jagermaster. Chip’s a clever guy like that.”

“Everyone knows that the most manly drink on the planet is Jagermeister, bro. That’s why my buddy Chip at the gym came up with this wicked drink for the Halloween season. All you need to make this is a 12 oz cup and some of the things that every bro has around his house. I’m talking simple stuff man. Take that cup. Fill it up with Jager. Put it down. It shows everyone what a trooper you are (Jager is a German soldier, you know) and the smooth taste of licorice is a real aphrodisiac for the girls. He calls it the Jagermaster. Chip’s a clever guy like that.”

Blood

“Alright, listen up bro. This one is pretty hardcore, but if you want to be the life of the party you know what it’s going to take. And with all those sweet ladies in their skimpy Halloween costumes, you’re going to want to impress. So this drink is the spookiest thing you can do. Get your glass, clean it out because you want this one to be seen. I recommend a 10 oz snifter if you have it, but a solo cup will do at a ‘no glass’ kind of party. Now here’s the drink. Just straight up blood. Bonus points if you’re dressed as a vampire.”

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Thanks for all the suggestions Magnus. We’ll rush to try them right away…

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