This is a fight between men. Those who confront you will rarely be men, because men are respectful and are not emotional extremists. When faced with a challenger who is willing to engage in a physical bout of fisticuffs, use words small enough for him to understand to let them know that you’d rather not waste your time with him. Turn away, but be prepared for a cheap shot to the back. Do not let it surprise you when the bar stool cracks over your head; rather, stop, swill your whiskey, take a last sip, and turn to him. If your steely resolve does not cause him to second guess himself and run, put your glass down and roll up your sleeves. At this point, if he is still foolish enough to engage you, one of these scenarios will ensue:
He will clumsily rush you. A swift knock to the jaw should stop him in his tracks, and another will floor him. Be considerate of the bar staff and offer to build them a new wooden bar stool to replace the one that was splintered over your head. Maybe cherry oak this time.
He will pull a knife on you. The rules of engagement change when a weapon is brought into play. This is no longer a fight, this is a duel. Pick up a piece of the bar stool he broke over your head; I suggest a leg. Remember, you do not want to kill him. Death means paperwork, and paperwork is a waste of time, just like paper is a waste of wood that could’ve been dug out into a canoe. Your first priority is disarmament. Once he drops the knife and is clutching a broken wrist, throw an uppercut and be done with it.