by | Apr 6, 2016 | Being Active, Sports | 0 comments

A quick Google search for “do bumper stickers damage cars?” reveals that nobody has cared since 2006. Why? Because people who own cars after 2006 usually find better ways to support their favorite sports teams, politicians, and honor students. But some of us haven’t found a better way. We’ve tried yelling out our windows, we’ve tried painting the hoods of our car, and I know we’ve all tried to kidnap the team mascot and chain him to bed of our pickup trucks to dance for passing motorists. But the bumper sticker remains the most efficient way to communicate very important sports-related alliances with strangers. Although a gentleman is conscious and respectful of every person’s opinion, it’s clear to see that some bumper stickers are better than others. They also all tell you a lot about the car and car owner. Let’s see what certain bumper stickers tell the world!

We know. Super Bowl Shuffle. 

The ’85 Bears stickers never fail to show how far back you are willing to pretend to remember when your team was good.  Or Cubs bumper stickers, in which a driver can subtly remind commuters behind them that the Cubs haven’t won a World Series since BEFORE the bumper was invented.

Now THAT’S a 90’s bumper sticker!

A Charlotte Hornets sticker is a good way to show people that you ironically are cheering for a team that no longer exists by placing a hip bumper sticker on a car that should no longer exist.  But with the Charlotte Hornets coming back after a 12 year hiatus,  maybe it’s time to upgrade both your bumper sticker and your car.

It’s so easy to hate on the Yankees, you didn’t come here for Yankees jokes. 

Bandwagons are fun. Amirite, Yankees fans? We get it…your team has a huge budget and can afford any player they want. That’s kinda the opposite of people who have Yankees bumper stickers, who can’t afford a car worth not ruining with an adhesive A-Rod head.

You can’t be mad at bang-wagon fans for jumping on such an obscure sport, can you?

A better bandwagon to jump on is the Chicago Blackhawks bandwagon. Another Chicago team that has a hilariously large following, but they earned their following through 21st century success and good choice in theme song. Displaying a Blackhawks bumper sticker allows other drivers to know exactly when you began pretending to know how to enjoy hockey (although HD TV made this feat 100x easier).

Aren’t you glad this exists?

Inversely, current day Milwaukee Bucks fans (all 7 of them) can teach their children about the inevitability of death through Buck fandom and ironic pride in their team as evidenced by their surprisingly cool logo (which is not pictured here because this atrocity of a White Hen promotion is a way more hilarious example).

The point is, sports bumper stickers are a fun way to show the world that you are fully aware of the fact that your car has no resale value, (unless the person buying it has the same taste in sports teams and rust). Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and you may see the occasional Maserati with a Texas Longhorns sticker (I didn’t forget about you, college sports)…but not usually. 

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